Conversations in the Office

After the virus incident, I naturally shared my experience with a few close colleagues. It was great fun, I tell you! For a few days, I felt like a small time celebrity in the office pantry.

During one of my story telling sessions, a colleague of mine, Siti shared her own experience. This allegedly happened a few years ago when she was working in a government organization.

An Ang Moh conslutant wanted to see the Senior Director of her department. He walked up to the Director's secretary (who was sitting accross Siti) and said, "Hi, I am here to see En. Hamid."

"Oh. I am sorry, sir. En. Hamid just past away five minutes ago." replied En. Hamid's secretary with a smile.

You can imagine the shock that registered on this consultant's face. Before he could say anything though, the secretary chirped in.

"Nevermind, sir. Maybe you sit down and wait. He will be back five minutes."

LOL! Stupid bitch probably meant that En Hamid had just stepped away for five minutes.

Pity the Ang Moh fella. Welcome to Malaysian English. Sigh.

My Very Own "Dilbert" Moment

It was just after lunch one day in the office. I was minding my own business when up walked our busty Marketing Manager.

"Jimmy...I heard you just installed a virus in our network. Is this true?"

"Huh?...Virus? No way! Why would I install any virus?"

"That's weird...Thomas from Finance told me that his department has been using the virus since yesterday. I was hoping you can help me setup my machine to use it."

My mind went into overdrive. Installed a virus? Using the virus since yesterday?? Setup machine to use the virus??? WTF???!

In a split second, the provebial light bulb went on in my head. Suddenly, it all began to make sense...

"Ohh...you mean the WIRELESS network?"

"Yeah la...that's what I said...virus la."


Stupid Ah Lian bitch. Sigh...

Conversations With Burger Man

There's this Ramly burger stall near my place that I frequent. The stall is located near a busy intersection along a row of shop houses. Therefore, being the considerate citizen that I am, I normally park my car a few blocks away and walk up to the stall to get my burgers (as opposed to double parking which most idiots resort to). Since this guy's (let's call him Burger Man) burgers are quite popular, there's usually quite a long queue. He even has a tag line ..."Deli Burger: It's worth the wait." While waiting for my Burger Ayam Special, I usually get into small talk with Burger Man.

One day, he said "Jimmy, next time you should call before you come. I will have it ready for you. Don't have to wait so long. Call me 15 minutes before you come."

He then pointed to a placard in front of his stall: "0XX-XXXXXXX - NO NEED TO WAIT. CALL 15 MINS BEFORE YOU ARRIVE."

Although it's quite a neat idea, it isn't quite useful for me. I usually grab a burger when I am in the vicinity for chores (e.g. collecting my laundry, getting petrol, groceries, etc).

So I quipped "Bang, you should also have delivery as well la. Like McDonalds."

"Adaaaa" he said. "We provide service up to your doorstep."

"Huh? Seriously?"

"Yeah...you call me to order. In fifteen minutes you drive down here and give me a honk; I will deliver to your doorstep...your car doorstep" he said with a grin.

"We also used to accept orders via e-mail too. But its quite a chore la, running up and down from there" he said, indicating to the cyber cafe two doors down.

Talk about being pwnd. Sigh

Conversations in a Pub

Setting: The Watering Hole, two tables away from the live band. 10:45PM Friday.

ACT ONE
The band was belting out Skynyrd's Sweet Home Alabama. People were shouting themselves coarse trying to keep up with their conversations. Friend from the next table walks up to Jimmy.

Friend: "Hey Jimmy. Come meet my friend Dave."

Jimmy: "Hi Dave."

Friend: "Dave used to be a record holder back in Uni. He downed a pint of beer in 3.2 seconds, dude!"

Jimmy: "Haha...you must've been thirsty, eh?"

Dave: "Sorry?"

Jimmy: "I said you must have been thirsty."

Dave: "No. Not really...I am just 28 actually."

Jimmy: "No, no...I said..."

....and yet some people wonder why I rather stay in on Friday nights. Sigh.