There's this Ramly burger stall near my place that I frequent. The stall is located near a busy intersection along a row of shop houses. Therefore, being the considerate citizen that I am, I normally park my car a few blocks away and walk up to the stall to get my burgers (as opposed to double parking which most idiots resort to). Since this guy's (let's call him Burger Man) burgers are quite popular, there's usually quite a long queue. He even has a tag line ..."Deli Burger: It's worth the wait." While waiting for my Burger Ayam Special, I usually get into small talk with Burger Man.
One day, he said "Jimmy, next time you should call before you come. I will have it ready for you. Don't have to wait so long. Call me 15 minutes before you come."
He then pointed to a placard in front of his stall: "0XX-XXXXXXX - NO NEED TO WAIT. CALL 15 MINS BEFORE YOU ARRIVE."
Although it's quite a neat idea, it isn't quite useful for me. I usually grab a burger when I am in the vicinity for chores (e.g. collecting my laundry, getting petrol, groceries, etc).
So I quipped "Bang, you should also have delivery as well la. Like McDonalds."
"Adaaaa" he said. "We provide service up to your doorstep."
"Huh? Seriously?"
"Yeah...you call me to order. In fifteen minutes you drive down here and give me a honk; I will deliver to your doorstep...your car doorstep" he said with a grin.
"We also used to accept orders via e-mail too. But its quite a chore la, running up and down from there" he said, indicating to the cyber cafe two doors down.
Talk about being pwnd. Sigh
Sunday, December 14, 2008
Japanese Zoo Drill (plus bonus joke)
Man...if you thought my previous post about the home security system was absurd, check out this video of a supposed Japan zoo drill.
I am not really sure if this dry run would be useful if a real rhino does escape....
While watching the clip, I recalled this gem of a joke...
A Japanese man who just landed at LAX walks up to a money changer. He hands in a bunch of Yen to the cashier.
Japanese Man: Amelican lollars, prease.
Cashier (handing over the Dollars in exchange for Yens): Here you go, sir.
Japanese Man (frowning): Why so little?
Cashier: Fluctuations...
Japanese Man: Oh yeah?! Fluck you Amelicans too!
Racist jokes never fail to crack me up. Sigh.
I am not really sure if this dry run would be useful if a real rhino does escape....
While watching the clip, I recalled this gem of a joke...
A Japanese man who just landed at LAX walks up to a money changer. He hands in a bunch of Yen to the cashier.
Japanese Man: Amelican lollars, prease.
Cashier (handing over the Dollars in exchange for Yens): Here you go, sir.
Japanese Man (frowning): Why so little?
Cashier: Fluctuations...
Japanese Man: Oh yeah?! Fluck you Amelicans too!
Racist jokes never fail to crack me up. Sigh.
Saturday, December 13, 2008
"Supernatural" Home Defense System?
This is amazing. You know the usual news about burglars breaking into homes during the holiday season? Well, this home owner seems to have found the perfect solution to safeguard his home.
He returned home after Hari Raya Haji to find a burglar trapped in his house. Instead of contacting the police, he called an ambulance to rush the burglar (who was fatigued and dehydrated after being trapped in the house for 72 hours) to the hospital instead.
This is the interesting bit. According to the burglar, he "was blinded once he was inside and felt like he was in a cave". When he tried escaping he "felt a ‘supernatural figure’ shoving me to the ground".
Read the full article in The Star:
Burglar who picked the 'wrong' house
Imagine if this "security" system is installed in houses, banks and even vehicles. I bet you (a cup of teh tarik) that crime rates in Malaysia will spiral down to zero!
...Wishful thinking, I know. Sigh...
He returned home after Hari Raya Haji to find a burglar trapped in his house. Instead of contacting the police, he called an ambulance to rush the burglar (who was fatigued and dehydrated after being trapped in the house for 72 hours) to the hospital instead.
This is the interesting bit. According to the burglar, he "was blinded once he was inside and felt like he was in a cave". When he tried escaping he "felt a ‘supernatural figure’ shoving me to the ground".
Read the full article in The Star:
Burglar who picked the 'wrong' house
Imagine if this "security" system is installed in houses, banks and even vehicles. I bet you (a cup of teh tarik) that crime rates in Malaysia will spiral down to zero!
...Wishful thinking, I know. Sigh...
Sunday, October 12, 2008
Conversations in a Pub
Setting: The Watering Hole, two tables away from the live band. 10:45PM Friday.
ACT ONE
The band was belting out Skynyrd's Sweet Home Alabama. People were shouting themselves coarse trying to keep up with their conversations. Friend from the next table walks up to Jimmy.
Friend: "Hey Jimmy. Come meet my friend Dave."
Jimmy: "Hi Dave."
Friend: "Dave used to be a record holder back in Uni. He downed a pint of beer in 3.2 seconds, dude!"
Jimmy: "Haha...you must've been thirsty, eh?"
Dave: "Sorry?"
Jimmy: "I said you must have been thirsty."
Dave: "No. Not really...I am just 28 actually."
Jimmy: "No, no...I said..."
....and yet some people wonder why I rather stay in on Friday nights. Sigh.
ACT ONE
The band was belting out Skynyrd's Sweet Home Alabama. People were shouting themselves coarse trying to keep up with their conversations. Friend from the next table walks up to Jimmy.
Friend: "Hey Jimmy. Come meet my friend Dave."
Jimmy: "Hi Dave."
Friend: "Dave used to be a record holder back in Uni. He downed a pint of beer in 3.2 seconds, dude!"
Jimmy: "Haha...you must've been thirsty, eh?"
Dave: "Sorry?"
Jimmy: "I said you must have been thirsty."
Dave: "No. Not really...I am just 28 actually."
Jimmy: "No, no...I said..."
....and yet some people wonder why I rather stay in on Friday nights. Sigh.
Wednesday, October 8, 2008
The Class Clown
According to Billy Crystal, there’s a distinction between a class clown and a comedian. A class clown according to him “was the guy at graduation who walked out to get his diploma, would hike up his gown, moon his parents and run off the stage”. The comedian on the other “was the guy who talked him into doing it”.
Now, I am not saying that I am a comedian (although I try hard to be funny – sometimes with disastrous results; but that’s a story for another day). But it certainly brought back memories of Mohan, my best pal when we were 9 or 10. We went to the same school and were in the same class.
Mohan was always looking for attention. He was a single child. His dad was a civil servant and his mom was a nurse in a government hospital. Since both his parents worked, he would be left alone at home in the care of his elderly neighbour. I guess the lack of attention at home explains his yearning for it in school. He would laugh the loudest at jokes. He would make the class laugh by giving the silliest answers during quizzes. Once he even brought his mom’s Cosmopolitan magazine to school and showed it to everyone. Now, when you are a boy of nine or ten, Cosmopolitan with its racy articles and glam shots of models was pornography (heh…those were the days). OK…I am digressing. Anyway back to the topic.
Mohan was a personality. He was the most boisterous kid in class. During breaks, everyone would gather around him to listen to his outrageous stories. I remember that his antics used to get him into a lot of trouble – in fact he was marched off to the Discipline Master’s office no less than ten times. And more than once, I was the culprit behind it all.
One of these incidents occurred during Ms Ang’s English lessons. She was very strict about us not eating in class. We used to have a game where we passed around a bag of M&Ms or Smarties and pop them into our mouth whenever her back was turned. It turned into a game of Chicken; everyone was trying to outdo each other by trying to pop as many of those candies as we possibly could into our mouths. After a while, Ms Ang got to know of our ruse. Once she caught any of us, she would force the guilty party to hold out his tongue; thus concealing a colourful tongue. I can still remember her shrill screams, “CLASS! FOR THE LAST TIME! NO FOOD IN CLASS!!!”
Then one day, I came up with an idea. Every Wednesdays, we had art class right after Ms Ang’s English lessons. Therefore, we would bring along our art supplies – paint brushes, water colours, and crayons. It was during one of these Wednesdays, when we were doing a particularly boring English assignment when Mohan took out his crayons and started doodling on his workbook (If I remembered correctly, it was a battle scene between Batman and the Ninja Turtles). It was then that the proverbial light bulb triggered in my head.
“Hey Mohan, remember what Ms Ang said about no food in class?”
“Uh huh…” his eyes were lighting up with a mischievous grin.
I guess he could anticipate the excitement in my voice, knowing that I am hatching up something naughty once again.
“Well, those crayons aren’t food are they?”
“Uh huh…” A grin was developing on his face.
“So if Ms Ang catches you eating them, she wouldn’t be able to punish you right?”
“Ha ha ha…I guess not” he laughed out.
Several of our classmates sitting near us were starting to look in our direction; knowing very well that Mohan’s goofy laugh was always the preamble to one of his famous pranks. Mohan broke his green crayon in half – the one that he was using to sketch Donatello hitting Batman in the crotch with his staff – and popped it into his mouth.
“How is it? Does it taste good?” I was trying my best not to laugh out loud.
“Yuck…it’s horrible” he grimaced.
“Wait. Here try this one. It might taste better.” I egged him on, handing him a yellow stick of crayon now.
By this time, the whole class was on to his act. Several of them are starting to giggle now. Noticing the attention that he was getting, Mohan beamed.
“Mmm, Jimmy. This one tastes better. Pass me the red one. I think it might be strawberry flavoured” he exclaimed loudly.
One or two of the boys begin to laugh out loud. This seems to have a snowball effect on the class. All of the sudden, the whole class erupted in laughter.
“What’s the matter?!” Ms Ang shouted.
Several of the boys pointed towards Mohan. Ms Ang’s piercing eyes are now trained at Mohan.
“Mohan Ramasamy! What the devil are you up to now?”
“Nothing, Ms Ang. I am just rearranging my crayon set.”
Mohan tired to put on his most angelic face. Ms Ang was not about to buy it though. She walked over to Mohan.
“Are you eating in class again?”
“Err…no” Mohan was trying his best to stifle his grin.
“Open your mouth!”
Mohan opened his mouth. With a smile, he stuck out his multi coloured tongue.
“OK young man. Hand them over. Where are you hiding the candies now?”
Ms Ang looked around his desk looking for the evidence.
“I didn’t eat any candies.”
“Then how do you explain your tongue?” Ms Ang hissed.
“I was eating these” he pointed to his box of crayons innocently.
The whole class erupted into another round of laughter. I looked at Ms Ang’s bewildered face. It was priceless.
Now, I am not saying that I am a comedian (although I try hard to be funny – sometimes with disastrous results; but that’s a story for another day). But it certainly brought back memories of Mohan, my best pal when we were 9 or 10. We went to the same school and were in the same class.
Mohan was always looking for attention. He was a single child. His dad was a civil servant and his mom was a nurse in a government hospital. Since both his parents worked, he would be left alone at home in the care of his elderly neighbour. I guess the lack of attention at home explains his yearning for it in school. He would laugh the loudest at jokes. He would make the class laugh by giving the silliest answers during quizzes. Once he even brought his mom’s Cosmopolitan magazine to school and showed it to everyone. Now, when you are a boy of nine or ten, Cosmopolitan with its racy articles and glam shots of models was pornography (heh…those were the days). OK…I am digressing. Anyway back to the topic.
Mohan was a personality. He was the most boisterous kid in class. During breaks, everyone would gather around him to listen to his outrageous stories. I remember that his antics used to get him into a lot of trouble – in fact he was marched off to the Discipline Master’s office no less than ten times. And more than once, I was the culprit behind it all.
One of these incidents occurred during Ms Ang’s English lessons. She was very strict about us not eating in class. We used to have a game where we passed around a bag of M&Ms or Smarties and pop them into our mouth whenever her back was turned. It turned into a game of Chicken; everyone was trying to outdo each other by trying to pop as many of those candies as we possibly could into our mouths. After a while, Ms Ang got to know of our ruse. Once she caught any of us, she would force the guilty party to hold out his tongue; thus concealing a colourful tongue. I can still remember her shrill screams, “CLASS! FOR THE LAST TIME! NO FOOD IN CLASS!!!”
Then one day, I came up with an idea. Every Wednesdays, we had art class right after Ms Ang’s English lessons. Therefore, we would bring along our art supplies – paint brushes, water colours, and crayons. It was during one of these Wednesdays, when we were doing a particularly boring English assignment when Mohan took out his crayons and started doodling on his workbook (If I remembered correctly, it was a battle scene between Batman and the Ninja Turtles). It was then that the proverbial light bulb triggered in my head.
“Hey Mohan, remember what Ms Ang said about no food in class?”
“Uh huh…” his eyes were lighting up with a mischievous grin.
I guess he could anticipate the excitement in my voice, knowing that I am hatching up something naughty once again.
“Well, those crayons aren’t food are they?”
“Uh huh…” A grin was developing on his face.
“So if Ms Ang catches you eating them, she wouldn’t be able to punish you right?”
“Ha ha ha…I guess not” he laughed out.
Several of our classmates sitting near us were starting to look in our direction; knowing very well that Mohan’s goofy laugh was always the preamble to one of his famous pranks. Mohan broke his green crayon in half – the one that he was using to sketch Donatello hitting Batman in the crotch with his staff – and popped it into his mouth.
“How is it? Does it taste good?” I was trying my best not to laugh out loud.
“Yuck…it’s horrible” he grimaced.
“Wait. Here try this one. It might taste better.” I egged him on, handing him a yellow stick of crayon now.
By this time, the whole class was on to his act. Several of them are starting to giggle now. Noticing the attention that he was getting, Mohan beamed.
“Mmm, Jimmy. This one tastes better. Pass me the red one. I think it might be strawberry flavoured” he exclaimed loudly.
One or two of the boys begin to laugh out loud. This seems to have a snowball effect on the class. All of the sudden, the whole class erupted in laughter.
“What’s the matter?!” Ms Ang shouted.
Several of the boys pointed towards Mohan. Ms Ang’s piercing eyes are now trained at Mohan.
“Mohan Ramasamy! What the devil are you up to now?”
“Nothing, Ms Ang. I am just rearranging my crayon set.”
Mohan tired to put on his most angelic face. Ms Ang was not about to buy it though. She walked over to Mohan.
“Are you eating in class again?”
“Err…no” Mohan was trying his best to stifle his grin.
“Open your mouth!”
Mohan opened his mouth. With a smile, he stuck out his multi coloured tongue.
“OK young man. Hand them over. Where are you hiding the candies now?”
Ms Ang looked around his desk looking for the evidence.
“I didn’t eat any candies.”
“Then how do you explain your tongue?” Ms Ang hissed.
“I was eating these” he pointed to his box of crayons innocently.
The whole class erupted into another round of laughter. I looked at Ms Ang’s bewildered face. It was priceless.
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